I regret to inform you that the snow did not leave.
It simply froze in place out of spite.
At present, we are covered in approximately seven inches of snow with an additional two or more inches of ice layered on top like a cruel dessert no one ordered. The ground is no longer ground. It is a skating rink with intentions.
The dogs, who have no sense of self-preservation, are running on top of the ice like it’s a fun game. Their feet do not sink. They glide. They believe this means they are powerful now.
The humans, however, take two confident steps, feel victorious, and then immediately crash through the ice like nature has pressed a trapdoor button. There is yelling. There is flailing. There is the sound of dignity cracking.
I observe all of this from a safe distance because I am intelligent.
My Walkways Have Betrayed Me
Previously, the humans shoveled me very respectable pig paths. Wide. Thoughtful. Accessible.
These paths have now transformed into ice chutes.
I did not request a iceslide.
I did not consent to momentum.
One wrong step and suddenly I am moving forward without permission, like a pig on a mission he did not approve. I am adapting by walking very slowly and judging the ground aggressively before every footfall.
This is exhausting.
Because of the Ice, I Have Been Dreaming
When the world outside becomes hostile, the mind goes inward.
And my mind… has been busy.
I would like to share some of my dreams, because frankly, I have earned that right.
Dream One: A Beach Vacation I Deserve
In my first dream, I am on vacation.
Not a cheap vacation.
A refined vacation.
The ground beneath me is warm and soft. The sun is glowing in a way that feels intentional, not rude. There is a breeze, but it is gentle and respectful. It smells like grass, heat, and freedom.
I am stretched out completely, snout up, belly exposed, soaking it all in. Somewhere nearby, I hear contented animal sounds. No slipping. No ice. No betrayal.
I sigh deeply and think, Yes. This is what happens when you are important.
Then I notice something strange.
The “sand” smells like spring water
The breeze smells like hay.
And the sunbeam is hitting me in the exact way it always does near my favorite spot.
That is when I realize…
I am not on an expensive vacation.
I am remembering summer on the farm.
Honestly? Still five stars.
Dream Two: A Luxurious Garden of Abundance
In my next dream, I am walking through the most luxurious garden imaginable.
There are vegetables everywhere.
Tall, leafy plants. Crunchy things. Juicy things. Things I am not technically supposed to eat but am very interested in. The air smells green and rich and full of promise.
I wander slowly, thoughtfully, soaking in the ambiance.
I think this place is incredible. Whoever owns this must be powerful.
Then I recognize the raised beds.
The layout.
The exact spot where the tomatoes always go absolutely feral.
I stop walking.
This is not a dream garden.
This is our garden.
I wake up briefly, offended by winter.
Dream Three: Green Grass, Freedom, and Snacks
In my final dream, the grass is impossibly green.
I am roaming freely, moving with confidence, when I hear one of my favorite humans call my name. I do not hesitate. I run.
My legs work. The ground is kind. The laws of physics support me.
I arrive and am rewarded with a treat because I am good and also because I exist.
Later, I am lying beneath a tree in deep, perfect shade. The breeze moves the leaves. The chickens wander nearby, scratching and pecking, murmuring their strange little thoughts while looking for insects.
I do not move. I listen. I nap.
This is peace.
Then I realize, gently and without panic, that this is not a fantasy at all.
This is just a normal, excellent day on the farm.
Closing Thoughts from a Pig Who Has Perspective
It turns out my imagination is not wild.
It is simply seasonally frustrated.
I am not dreaming of things I do not have. I am dreaming of things I already own… just temporarily buried under snow, ice, and disrespect.
Winter can stay if it must.
But summer knows where I live.
Snoutfully yours,
Squealexander Hamilton
Dreaming in Green, Currently in White