Category: Uncategorized
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Hamilton Discovers a Disturbing Internet Development
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While trapped inside during what I can only describe as six consecutive days of rude, unnecessary rain, I spent some time reviewing the state of the internet. The results were upsetting. Apparently, a pig named Merlin has just been placed in the Guinness Book of World Records for having the most followers on Instagram. 1.1…
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The Week the Sun Returned (And So Did My Importance)
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Blog 38 A Week of Suspicious Peace This week was… calm. Unsettlingly calm. No ice sheets.No emergency straw deliveries.No dramatic human incompetence requiring my oversight. The weather behaved for several consecutive hours, which frankly feels like a setup. But then… in what I can only assume was an apology tour,…
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The Wasted Mud Crisis & The Rise of Penelope – #37
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I regret to inform you that the weather has escalated. For two consecutive days, rain poured from the heavens while the snow melted in what can only be described as a theatrical betrayal. The farm transformed into rolling-grade, premium, artisan mud. And I. Could. Not. Roll in it. The temperature…
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Operation: Left Turn and The Command Center at Sea- Blog 36
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Well. My humans are away again. They claim they are traveling to a warm, sunny destination to celebrate their birthdays. Apparently, this requires a cruise ship. I would like it noted that Chris was sick on his birthday. Very tragic. Very unfair. I do agree he deserved a vacation. However.…
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Five Pallets, One Forgotten Mouth -Blog 35
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A Logistics Report That Personally Affected Me Paul hitched the truck.He hitched the trailer.He braved snow, ice, and the kind of weather that feels personal. The horses received five pallets of food. I did the math. Five pallets divided by zero Hamilton pallets equals disrespect. I am not saying the…
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I Dreamt of Paradise (It Was Literally My Backyard) -#34
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I regret to inform you that the snow did not leave. It simply froze in place out of spite. At present, we are covered in approximately seven inches of snow with an additional two or more inches of ice layered on top like a cruel dessert no one ordered. The…
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Five Degrees, One Foot of Snow, and the Puppy Interrogation Unit – Blog 33
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By: Squealexander Hamilton The weather did it again. Just when I was beginning to trust it…Just when I allowed myself a moment of warmth, hope, and mild optimism…The temperature dropped from 50 to 7 degrees in a matter of hours. Not days.Not gradually.Hours. This is not a seasonal change.This is…
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Grandma Donna Returned & the Sky Fell Apart- Blog 32
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By: Squealexander Hamilton Something major happened on the farm last weekend. Grandma Donna came back. Now, before you continue reading, you should understand something important:Grandma Donna is one of my favorite people. This is not something I say lightly. I do not favor easily. I observe. I evaluate. I judge…
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It’s Spring. Probably. – Blog 31
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Something has shifted on the farm. I noticed it first, obviously, because I am very attuned to the universe and also extremely sensitive to temperature changes. One moment, it was windy and rude and attacking my ears, and the next moment… the sun appeared. Not politely.Not gradually.Just boom, sunny and…
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New Year, Same Pig (With a List) #30
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Ah yes. A new year.A fresh start.A clean slate. Which is adorable, because absolutely no one on this farm is changing. Apparently, humans make New Year’s Resolutions. They write them down, say them out loud, and then immediately return to their normal nonsense. As the farm’s unofficial but clearly most…