An Unapproved Holiday Event as Witnessed by a Tiny Pig
I would like to formally state, for the record, that NO ONE informed me that a strange man in a RED SUIT would be SNEAKING AROUND MY FARM AFTER DARK.
No meeting.
No memo.
No pig briefing.
So imagine my surprise when, while conducting my usual midnight security patrol (also known as: looking for snacks), I spotted A MAN.
A HUMAN MAN.
In RED.
He was creeping.
Not walking like a normal farm human.
But sneaking.
Like someone who knows he should not be there.
And what was he doing?
Leaving presents.
For the animals.
EXCUSE ME.
I froze. My ears locked forward. My nostrils flared. My tiny pig brain went into full EMERGENCY PIG MODE.
Had the farm been infiltrated by a festive criminal?
Was this some sort of bribery scheme?
Was I being framed??
I approached one of the gifts very carefully… strictly for investigative purposes, and inspected the tag.
It said:
“From: Santa.”
SANTA.
Oh.
So he has a name.
Good to know. Very bold of him to leave evidence.
I followed him. Obviously.
I stayed low. Tactical. Silent. Heroic.
I watched as he finished placing gifts and then…AND THEN… walked toward a sled.
A SLED.
With REINDEER.
REAL REINDEER.
Standing there like this was all completely normal.
And before I could squeal for backup, the sled LIFTED OFF THE GROUND.
IT.
WAS.
FLYING.
The reindeer flew.
The red man, Santa, apparently, waved.
And disappeared into the sky.
I stood there alone. In the cold.
With my entire understanding of reality shattered.
Who is Santa?
Why does he know where I live?
And why was I not emotionally prepared for this information?
Frankly, I feel betrayed.
To make matters worse, Krystin has been missing.
I have not seen her.
I have not supervised her snacks.
I have not inspected her stitches (which I would have done very gently).
Apparently, she had surgery on Tuesday, and now she is recovering somewhere that does NOT involve the barn, the porch, or my personal snuggle radius.
This is unacceptable.
AND adding insult to injury, Donna also had surgery last week, which means she will be off farm duty for a few weeks while she recovers. I support healing. I do. But the timing? Questionable.
Thankfully, Paul and Chris are holding the fort.
Food is being delivered.
Animals are being cared for.
The farm is still running despite the sudden disappearance of multiple key humans.
The presents have been distributed by mysterious airborne strangers.
The humans are healing.
And I am left in charge of emotional supervision.
But I would like it noted AGAIN…
I do not like surprises.
Unless they are snacks.
Or blankets.
Or Krystin returning soon.
Until then, I will remain alert.
Watching the sky.
Protecting the farm.
And demanding answers.
🐽Squealexander Hamilton
Chief of Security,
Tiny Pig,
Unwilling Witness to Christmas Magic